What a Parenting Agreement Should Include: A Practical UK Checklist

Parenting agreements rarely fail because the parents started with bad intentions. They fail because the agreement had gaps — questions that weren't answered, situations that weren't anticipated, clauses that were vague enough to be argued about later. The fix is a thorough checklist, applied at the drafting stage, that closes those gaps before they become disputes. This piece is that checklist, drawn from the gaps that come up most consistently in real UK families.

Children's Living Arrangements

• Where the children primarily live, in specific terms
• The detailed weekly schedule — which nights with which parent, by day of the week
• Handover times, including any flexibility around them
• Handover locations — school, doorstep, neutral location
• Transport responsibilities for handovers

School Holidays and Term Breaks

• The Christmas schedule, alternated by year and specified in detail (typically Christmas Eve through Boxing Day with one parent, the rest of the break split)
• Half-term arrangements (typically alternated between parents)
• The summer holiday split — usually two to three uninterrupted weeks each, with the regular schedule slotting around the gaps
• Easter weekend and the rest of the Easter break
• Bank holidays falling within school weeks
• INSET days and school closures — usually handled by whichever parent has the night before

Special Occasions

• The child's birthday — primary celebration with one parent, smaller marking with the other
• Mother's Day and Father's Day — child with the relevant parent
• The parents' birthdays — child with the relevant parent
• Significant family events — weddings, funerals, milestone birthdays of grandparents
• Religious holidays where relevant to the family

Decision-Making Authority

• Which decisions require joint agreement (typically: school choice, healthcare, significant interventions, religion, moving area)
• Which decisions each parent makes independently during their time
• What happens if you can't agree on a major decision (direct discussion, then mediation, then legal advice and possible application to family court)
• Activities crossing both households — sports clubs, after-school activities, music lessons — handled by joint agreement

Communication Between Parents

• The agreed channel for routine communication (a named co-parenting app is strongly recommended)
• Response time expectations for non-urgent messages
• What counts as an emergency and how emergencies are handled
• Scope: communication is about the children, not the adult relationship
• Explicit clause: children will not be used as messengers between the parents
• How disputes about the agreement itself will be resolved

Communication Between Children and the Other Parent

• How the children stay in touch with the non-resident parent during their time
• Phone, video, and messaging — scheduled or as the child wishes
• The age at which the children may decide their own contact patterns
• The principle that neither parent will restrict the children's contact with the other

Health and Welfare

• Both parents to be notified of medical appointments
• Both parents to receive copies of medical and dental reports
• Joint decisions on major medical interventions
• Emergency procedures — how the other parent is notified after immediate action
• Mental health and counselling — how decisions about therapy are handled

Education

• Both parents on the school's contact list
• Both parents to receive school reports and information
• Parents' evenings — attended together where possible, separate slots where not
• School trips, residential trips, and significant educational decisions — joint agreement
• Choice of school for the next stage of education — joint decision

Money

• The basic maintenance arrangement (typically based on Child Maintenance Service calculation)
• Framework for shared costs beyond maintenance — uniforms, school trips, sports kit, activities, holidays
• How one-off costs above an agreed threshold are decided
• Whether expenses are tracked in a shared log or co-parenting app
• Specific clause: money disputes don't bleed into parenting communication

New Partners

• Minimum period of a new relationship before introduction to the children
• Notice period to the other parent before introduction
• Whether new partners attend handovers or children's events
• Photographs and social media — protocols for sharing images involving the children

Travel

• Notice period for taking children on holiday
• Sharing of travel details — destination, accommodation, return flights
• Written consent for international travel
• Passport holding arrangements and renewal protocols
• Travel during school term — typically requires joint agreement

Relocation

• Notice period if either parent is considering a significant move
• Process for discussing a proposed relocation
• Default position if relocation is disputed (typically: mediation, then specialist legal advice)

Review and Modification

• Annual review built into the agreement
• Trigger-based review for significant changes in circumstances
• How modifications are agreed and documented
• A short addendum or signed memorandum for minor changes; formal variation for major ones

Dispute Resolution

• Step 1: direct discussion through the agreed communication channel
• Step 2: family mediation if direct discussion doesn't resolve
• Step 3: family court only as a last resort
• An explicit commitment to attempt resolution through these steps in order

Legal Status

• Whether the agreement is informal, solicitor-drafted, or court-approved
• If court-approved, the procedure for variation through the court
• Both parents' signatures and dates
• Each parent retaining a copy in an accessible place

Why the Checklist Matters

Most disputes between separated UK parents over the long term are about something specific — a clause that wasn't included, a situation that wasn't anticipated, a question that was left vague. A thorough checklist applied at drafting closes most of those gaps before they become disputes.

A family solicitor can help draft the specific wording of any of these clauses and is essential if the agreement is going to be submitted to the family court as a consent order. The cost of getting the drafting right once is small relative to the cost of years of disputes about what was actually agreed.

For a complete drafted template covering each of these areas, see our Parenting Agreement toolkit in the shop. For tailored support on your specific situation, see the coaching page.